All of this except one thing for me (the using violence to defend oneself). I think maybe people like you and I, because of what we have been through, tend to parent this way. I won’t punish my kids for hitting someone back, but that’s what I have taught them to do it want them to do. I find I don’t need to really punish mine much at all.

I mean I’m a very devout Christian with a huge mystical bent. I don’t make my kids go to church. Not even on Christmas, Easter, and Mother’s Day. I’m a single mom so I told them they had to come but didn’t have to participate when they were too young to be home alone, but I promised them that when they were, I’d not force them to come. I reminded them that sometimes I have to go somewhere I don’t want to be so they can do something they want to do so it’s not about church is about everyone getting to do what is meaningful to them while working with what we have.

I never wanted to homeschool but the public school system betrayed my transgender daughter and come to find out that kids learn things much better when one tries to make it interesting and aren’t worried about standardized tests.

My kids and I have always had open discussions about sexuality and gender and all.

You’re doing good, Ira. We are taking our own trauma and stopping it so it doesn’t continue the cycle. We created badass children that won’t ever have to go through what we did.

That means we win.