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Being Invisible Hurts So Bad
The angst of being difficult to love and interact with is feels awful
I am invisible, and I’m so tired of it.
Mentally I’ve been having a rough time these past few weeks. Where I live there has been a wave of extreme heat for about three weeks straight which means I can’t go outside. I’m struggling to pay my bills, and I’m working through some major trauma.
I’ve have anxiety attacks, and PTSD episodes among other things. The work that I’ve done with my therapist has been hard and intense. When I am going through something like this, I need people, but it feels like they never need me. Of course, being lonely makes all of this other stuff so much worse.
It seems like people have been really fucking mean the last few weeks, jumping all over me for relatively little, and that’s probably not the truth, but it’s sure as hell how it felt at the time.
I need to be seen and heard in these times rather than have people just making assumptions, and arguing about everything.
I’m not claiming to not have a component in all of this, but the problem is that I’ve been invisible for so long that I need people to notice that I’m not doing well and actually act like they give a damn. I have 2–3 people I can mostly rely on, but they have…
