I’m Not Fat Phobic for Wanting to Lose Weight

Attacking me for Wanting my Body to Weigh Less is not Body Positivity

I’m a fat woman. I’m 5'4" and 250lbs. I’m mostly fat because I’m chronically ill and because of my psych meds which trust me, you want me to keep taking. I want to keep taking them because they make me feel better. I can’t stand up without my walker, not because I’m fat, but because I’m sick. I don’t necessarily feel like I have to justify being fat, and I’m just fine with other people being whatever size works for them.

I don’t want to be this size, it makes me physically uncomfortable. I think I’d be okay with being 200lbs, but it makes me feel bad to be 250lbs. I waddle around with my walker when it’s under 80 degrees outside, so needless to say I haven’t walked anywhere strictly for exercise in a while. I eat what I can afford to eat but with the price of groceries these days isn’t a whole lot.

I don’t feel like I have to justify being fat. It seems like what I have to justify with the body positivity movement is not wanting to be fat. One day on my Facebook I posted that I wanted to lose a little weight, and someone told me it was fat phobic to post that I wanted to lose weight.

It didn’t matter how much I said I wanted to lose weight but didn’t think others needed to if they didn’t want to, this person went around telling people I was fat phobic and then blocked me. Good riddance to them, I say, but I’m still left baffled by it.

Why should it bother people that claim to love their bodies and love being fat if I as a fellow fat woman don’t want to be quite this fat? If it’s body positivity we are really wanting, isn’t my getting down to 200lbs if I want to a way to acheieve body positivity for myself?

I don’t think my goal is unrealistic, and I’ll still be fat, but I’ll feel better. Hauling myself around is exhausting, and I’d rather haul around a little less weight.

I’m tired of being lectured by the body positivity movement over wanting to lose weight. It’s not body positivity to get mad when someone does something they want to do with their own body, it’s wanting to police the actions of others.

I also despise the people who tell me that I wouldn’t be fat if I stopped making excuses, refused to be sick anymore (as if I can just turn it on and off with a switch), ate better food (it’s nice they can afford it, but it’s a privleged position to take and I can’t afford better food), and got off my ass and did some exercise.

These are almost always young or middle aged women who haven’t lived through severe trauma, or ever been larger than they wanted to be, and privileged enough to eat well and join the gym. In other words, my lived experiences are different to theirs, and it would be nice if people could just respect me instead of being ugly and saying I’m lazy and making excuses.

I should be able to post about losing 50lbs because I want it without people throwing a fit and calling me fat phobic. They can do whatever is best for them. For me, what’s best is being 50lbs lighter and I’ll keep doing the things I can to make it happen if it’s not much.