I'm sorry baptism was so traumatic for you. I've been water boarded so I totally get the fear.

Thankfully I'm in a denomination that doesn't do baptism via immersion unless someone specifically requests it that way.

My denomination also teaches that it's baptism that makes you a Christian. That's not popular with most Christian churches though.

We have women clergy, LGBTQ clergy, are affirming. So check out the Episcopalians if you ever want to, I found Jesus hanging out with them.

Baptism was the best thing of my life and it's so awful you were pressured into it like that, and that it was so scary. What is wrong with people? Ugh.

And I hate it when people treat others as their personal projects. I hope you find a place that's right for you where you are treated with dignity and respect.