Irreconcilable Differences

Image by retzer_c from Pixabay

I ‘ve now been divorced for more years than I was married (thanks be to God), because of “irreconcilable differences,” which means we just wanted to get divorced, and wanted to be divorced as soon and as smoothly as possible. At least we agreed on that, I suppose. My ex-husband and I took a lot longer than we should have to decide that we needed to be divorced, because of pressure from the Christian fundamentalists and evangelicals who said I just wasn’t submissive enough and that I had to stay married for the sake of the kids.

Neither of us took the decision to get divorced lightly, and it hurt even though it was necessary. We had actually loved each other in the beginning, except that neither of us understood a damn thing about love. We did, however, do our best, and after a while it just stopped working. We wanted different thigns out of life, things that we so different we weren’t compatible. It wasn’t possible to both stay married and both be able to be ourselves.

When the SCOTUS delievered their verdict on reversing Roe v. Wade on July 24, 2022, I chose to delete anyone on my social media who openly celebrated that decision. I just could not cope with seeing people so excited that other people’s freedoms were being snatched away over the beliefs of some ultra-conservative bullies who want their beliefs to be the law of the land. Lauren Boebert wants to take away the separation of church and state.

I’ve deleted people in the past, those who were against my transgender daughter transitioning because of their religious beliefs, I’ve deleted rabid “pro life” people, those who are nasty about disabled people getting government payments so that they can live, things of that nature. I’ve upped the ante some, though. I don’t want to live an echo chamber, as I have been accused of doing, I want to live life with people who love one another enough to respect the dignity of every human being, as it says in the baptismal vows I took.

Violating and making laws against other people’s human rights is not respecting their dignity. I’m divorcing myself from friendships with people who are actively excited about and contributing to human rights violations, it’s the Christian thing to do. I have patience for those who are confused, those who are quietly trying to figure things out, those who realize they were wrong and have changed their words and actions. What I don’t have patience for is those who are celebrating the SCOTUS decision.

I keep hearing sneers from conservatives about how liberals aren’t tolerant even though we want tolerance, and I’m going to answer that by saying that I absolutely am intolerant of beliefs that harm another human being. Gay love doesn’t harm others, being being trans doesn’t harm others, abortion doesn’t harm others. Screaming at people going into clinics to obtain an abortion, or working hard to take away their right to an abortion does active harm to another person, and that I am very intolerant of.

I’ve spent a lot of time having to reflect on the active harm I have done to others, and I have to live in a way that does not actively harm others, and if I actively harm others, I need to make it right. I’m intolerant enough that I’m going to divorce myself from relationships with people who are doing active harm to others.

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MaryClare StFrancis

MaryClare StFrancis

My friends assure me that I am never boring, so hopefully you won’t be bored either.